EPISODE 7: Lite Reading

EPISODE 7
Lite Reading

Until my arrival in Seattle, in January 1990, I had never tried an ale. My beer drinking was confined to American mass-market light lagers: Miller, Coors, Olympia and the like. In college I drank nothing but Stroh’s. I came by the taste naturally: My Dad drank nothing but Bud, and my Mom favored Carling Black Label, “Because it is on sale. All the time.” These days, I often don’t even call these beverages “beer.” “Rice soda,” perhaps? But there are still some American lagers I enjoy, like Sam Adams, or the “Session” lager from Bend, Oregon’s Full Sail Brewing Company.

AMERICAN LAGERS

(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 20122)

A lager, from the German for “lay down”

And down in caves it’s laid, or else at least

It’s stored for fermentation underground

To keep it cold for bottom-dwelling yeast

From this process emerges clear, crisp joy

A flavor like a sparkling mountain stream

Which made this style the choice of hoi polloi

Pushing aside the older styles’ regime

This popularity makes it taboo

For beer snobs: It’s a lamb led to their slaughter

They claim it’s just like sex in a canoe

Which is to say, “It’s fucking close to water”

But when it’s just refreshment that’s the test

A lager just might fill that order best

SESSION LAGER

Now take the Session Lager from Full Sail:

It’s just the kind of thing you think of when

You want a beer that’s lighter than an ale

But just can’t stomach drinking Bud again

The stubby bottle really is a riot

A fossil from pre-Prohibition days

Poured in a glass, the head is foamy white

The beer below a straw-blonde yellow haze

Of  U.S. Pilsners, few compare with Session

All-malt,  with a grassy hop bouquet

The mouthfeel is quite crisp, the taste refreshing

Just perfect for a sunny summer’s day

It’s so much better than mass-market crud

So aren’t you glad you didn’t order Bud?

EPISODE 6: Hoppy Holidays!

EPISODE 6: 

Hoppy Holidays!

The ever-imaginative Pine Box once again held “The Twelve Randalls of Christmas.”Of course I had to attend, and if anything it was more fun than last year’s event. It was just too big for one poem, so here are two:

THE RANDALLS OF CHRISTMAS – A DIPTYCH

1.

On Thursday, then, I set out in the rain

Upon the long walk to the Pine Box bar

No mere downpour could bring me any pain

As I drew near, a Magus to a star

And lo!  Within the courtyard there I faced

A dozen Randall gadgets in a row

In each a new ingredient was placed

Through which a different winter beer would flow

The Randall, a magnificent machine

(Devised by Dogfish Head, or so I’m told)

Creates new tastes that none before have seen

With flavors either delicate or bold

I stand in line to fill my glass with beer

Anticipating splendid Christmas cheer

2.

Within the first device there was a throng

Of brandied cherries, soon to be a part

Of St Bernardus Ale, already strong

But now with something extra, rich and tart

The Bayern Brewing Eisbock was infused

With star anise and just a bit of clove

And also just a few spruce tips were used

Fresh-picked, perhaps, from some Christmas-tree grove

“Abominable,” fresh from Portland’s HUB,

Had toffee caramels sweeten the hops

And “Jolly roger” also joined the club:

Its rum-soaked raisins pulled out all the stops!

Eight other beers were also featured here

A perfect showcase for some unique beer

EPISODE 5: The Bees' Knees

EPISODE 5

The Bees' Knees

On December 5^th the folks from Elevation Brewing, out of Poncha Springs, Colorado, arrived at Seattle’s Pine Box bar bearing gifts. These tasty brews included their “Fan Boy” oak-aged double IPA, and a cask version of their “First Ascent” IPA. But for me the highlight of the presentation was “Apis IV,” a big bad beer made with caramelized honey.

APIS IV

Our friend Apis mellifera is known

To laymen as the common honeybee

This bug’s essential character is shown

By ceaseless honey-making industry

The folks at Elevation worked their jive

With brewers’ tricks both marvelous and supple

To blend the golden treasure of the hive

Into a beer – A Belgian-style Quadruppel!

It pours dark brown and tastes of malted grain

The sugars from the honey take their toll

But hops bring all that sweetness under rein

The booze (and there’s a lot) will warm your soul

The buzz on this beer is that it will please

(And “buzz” is just what one expects from bees!)

EPISODE 4: Dust To Dust

EPISODE 4

Dust To Dust

On December 6^th, the Pine Box bar in Seattle featured the beers of Midnight Sun. This brewery, out of Anchorage, brought in six enormous beers: Three stouts, two barleywines and an imperial porter, all weighing in around the neighborhood of ten percent alcohol. My favorite was their “Termination Dust,” which I will invoke below, continuing my “dust” theme from last post.

Termination Dust

When summer enters in its final weeks

And winter’s howling winds begin to gust

The first snow starts to dot Alaska’s peaks

They call this snowfall “Termination Dust.”

The beer that bears its name is dark and fine

It’s aged in oak; it’s rich and buttery

They call the style a “Belgian Barleywine”

(It tasted sort of like a Quad to me)

As my glass warms new flavors run the course

The taste of Belgian yeast is clear to me

And yet the carbonation comes by force

Just like an English barleywine would be

Thirteen percent! Yes, that’s the alcohol!

This boozy treat might terminate us all!

EPISODE 3: Space Dust

EPISODE 3

Space Dust

A nebula of alpha humulin

Condenses, light-years from the nearest star

As it gets smaller it begins to spin

Projecting spiral arms to realms afar

Cold lumps of malt and barley now appear

Accreting into orbs of cosmic grain

They wander into a celestial sphere

Where ethyl alcohol cascades as rain

These planetessimals now start to drift

A solar system – ours, in fact – draws near

A blue-green world receives them as a gift

They plunge into its friendly atmosphere

The motes of flavor land upon Earth’s crust

And that’s is how Elysian gets Space Dust

EPISODE 2: Elysian Beer Dinner at Il Fornaio –A Five-Course Sonnet Cycle

EPISODE 2

Elysian Beer Dinner at Il Fornaio –A Five-Course Sonnet Cycle

The Il Fornaio restaurant in Seattle’s Pacific Place shopping center is one of my favorite places to have dinner. I’ve eaten there at least once a month for almost nine years. They regularly feature a wine dinner, which I’ve never attended. But when I heard that they would be hosting their first BEER dinner on Wednesday, July 16, 2014, I knew I’d have to be there.

It was a sumptuous feast, with each of the five courses expertly paired by Chef Franz Junga with a different beer. The beers were from Seattle’s own Elysian Brewing, courtesy lead brewer Kevin Watson.

So how was it? Let me tell you:

First Course

An empty goblet rests before me here

Or empty, I should say, is what it was

Before our server filled it up with beer

A pale Elysian ale named “Superfuzz”

A plate of fresh-baked pretzels goes around

From guest to guest, and so we grab a few

Three kinds of mustard – hot, Dijon, stone-ground –

Add spice. (There are fried mushrooms, too!)

While chasing pretzels with the ale I find

There is a perfect resonance between

The tang of Superfuzz blood-orange rind

And stone-ground mustard, with its bite so keen

The first-course pairing is a grand success

I wait in expectation for the rest

Second Course

Elysian calls the “Loser” a Pale Ale

And yet it’s really not one, that’s the joke

No, it’s a hoppy Red, as per the tale

Recounted by the brewer when we spoke

And with it now the second course appears

A slab of ahi tuna, fresh and raw

We try a bite, then toast it with our beers

The fish, so savory, inspires awe.

The tuna rests upon a bed of greens

And fresh cucumber salad, crisp with zest

The bitterness of hops is razor-keen

Providing perfect contrast to the rest

Sing “Soy un perdador” out loud, but look:

This pairing was a winner in MY book.

Third Course

The third beer is Elysian’s “Men’s Room Red,”

A perfect Northwest Amber, cool and clean

It pours dark orange, with an off-white head

Its taste: not hops nor malts, but in-between

The third dish, schiacciatina, really shines

(They’re mini-pizzas, stuffed with gooey cheese)

Each resting on a bed of green pea vines

A presentation guaranteed to please

The pairing’s everything that one could want

The beer/food combination dos not fail

The gorgonzola cheese brings to the front

The pear and apple notes within the ale

Broadcast THIS through the radio, you must:

Men’s Room goes well with cheese and crispy crust

Main Course

The main course comes: we have a choice of two

Fried halibut, paired with an IPA

Or else corned beef, with Oatmeal Stout for brew

They both sound good; I could go either way

I choose the beef. It’s braised with “Dragonstooth”

The very beer that’s poured into my cup

(That nectar sewn upon the ground, forsooth,

By Cadmus, so the Spartoi issued up)

The Stout, velvety-smooth, impacts the meat

And briny beef contrasts with roasted oats

The side dish, fresh red cabbage, sour and sweet,

Brings out the ebon liquid’s chocolate notes

I made the right choice, but I have to say

I really would have liked that IPA!

Dessert

Although we’re full, and feeling slightly numb

Anticipation switches hunger on

Because we know dessert is still to come:

Whipped cream and caramel espresso flan

The final beer is just as much a treat:

Elysian “Split Shot” Milk Espresso Stout

The lactose added keeps it tasting sweet

Exemplifying what this style’s about

Crème caramel and Stout reach harmony

And when both plate and glass at last are clear

My satisfaction is so plain to see

I feel like standing up to shout and cheer!

I do believe they saved the best for last

A perfect end to a superb repast

EPISODE 1: The IPA Style; Boundary Bay IPA

I’m a beer geek.

I’m also a poetry nerd who is addicted to writing Shakespearean sonnets.

In punishment for your many sins, I will be inflicting both of my obsessions upon you, my helpless readers.

For I am Phil Rose (or Doctor Hazelnut)…

The Beer Sonnetteer

EPISODE 1

The IPA Style; Boundary Bay IPA

Twenty-three years ago I moved to Seattle. I was a poor naïf who had never tried ale; my beer drinking having been confined to light lagers. Obviously I didn’t know what I was missing. But almost immediately my reeducation began when I tried my first ale, at The Big Time Brewery & Alehouse. And it was more than just an ale – it was an India Pale Ale, or IPA to the cognoscenti. (It was, in fact, Big Time’s “Bhagwan’s Best” IPA.)

To say my mind was blown would be an understatement. My life was changed forever. And while I’ve tried many beers in the years since then, representing all brewing styles, I have always maintained a special fondness for the IPA style.

Part of that is Pacific Northwest partisanship, for while the IPA was invented by the Brits (to survive long sea voyages, the story goes) it was brought to perfection right here. When I go to a beer bar I try to order something new. But if I’ve had everything they feature on tap, I drink a Pacific Northwest IPA. Georgetown’s “Lucille,” perhaps. Or Maritime Pacific’s “Imperial.” (Honesty compels me to mention that, of my three favorite IPAs, two are from the East Coast. Which only proves that, in the universe of beer, nothing can be taken for granted.)

Recently I found myself in a beer bar where I’d tried everything they had. So I turned to another old favorite: Boundary Bay’s IPA. Boundary Bay is a brewery based in Bellingham, WA, ‘way up near the Canadian border. Bellingham, science fiction fans will recall, was destroyed in the aftermath of an invasion of Earth by alien space elephants, as chronicled in Footfall by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. (Yes, I said space elephants.) Boundary Bay’s Scotch Ale and Oatmeal Stout are exemplars of their respective styles. As for the IPA, read the poems.

Beer Sonnet #4: India Pale Ale

Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 2012

This bitterness is born of history

Of colonists who missed the taste of home

So England sent, in answer to their plea

A precious cargo of the native foam

But in the course of such a long voyage

The liquid treasure would go bad, grow tired

And so to last the journey to The Raj

A dose of antiseptics was required

So thus the extra hops and alcohol

That are the hallmarks of this potent brew

And though the British Empire may fall

The IPA style will arise anew

So history bequeaths upon this ale

Its legacy: A stronger shade of pale

Beer Sonnet #7: Boundary Bay IPA

An IPA. The source? Boundary Bay

“Oh no!” cries Chekhov’s voice inside my head

(That last line makes no sense at all, you say?

Then read a non-geek’s beer review instead)

 It pours a cloudy amber in the glass

It has a pleasant orange-grapefruit scent

The head is small, there isn’t that much gas

The alcohol is 6.4%

The hops are balanced perfectly with malts

(This beer is not a “hop bomb,” so be warned)

The taste becomes a pine-and-citrus waltz

It’s classic; clean and crisp and unadorned

So when you tire of different and new

Return to this reliably good brew