EPISODE 17: Russian Imperial Stout

EPISODE 17

Russian Imperial Stout

(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 2012)

 

When Catherine the Great was on the throne

And Russia waxed in power like a storm

An ale to cure pneumonia was shown

That had a potency beyond the norm

 

The English brewers shipped it down the line:

As black as pitch, as thick as motor oil

With alcoholic strength to rival wine

A dark elixir fit for any royal

 

The tastes of chocolate and of coffee run

Throughout the palate (roasted malts, of course)

It satisfies all hungers (save for one:

There was that little thing about a horse)

 

So raise a glass to the Czarina's name

'Twas she who brought this style of stout its fame

EPISODE 16: The Dread

EPISODE 16

The Dread

 

The word "Elysian" summons imagery

Of blissful fields beneath a summer sun

This ebon ale dispels that reverie

For with one sip, the nightmare has begun

 

The roar of dark malt rises, and then fades

Don't be afraid, now take a deeper taste

You'll conjure images of ghastly shades

And shoggoths in the southern polar wastes

 

This stout, a grand example of the style,

Unaged would still be beer of great renown

But aged it is, upon an oaken spiral

With water flowing down, forever down

 

So when you find you're paralyzed with fear

Embrace it, with this eldritch, primal beer

EPISODE 15: Hilliard's Murdered-Out Stout

EPISODE 15

Hilliard's Murdered-Out Stout

 

This hot rod doesn't need a nitro kit

To go from zip to thirty IBUs

Its pint glass blacked-out by the tint of it

A vehicle to chase away the blues

 

The roasted malt, light-chocolaty and dry

Is balanced by some hoppy bitterness

With alcohol at five percent, you'll try

To drink it all day long, and be my guest!

 

This cast-iron entry in the dark-beer race

Is elegant in its simplicity

From rich, smooth mouthfeel to light tan head-lace

It's just the thing an Irish stout should be

 

If beer on tap is not your thing, well man

Just wait 'till Fall and get it in a can!

EPISODE 14: Porter

EPISODE 14

Porter

(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly Issue 6, April/June 2012

 

The contrast with the other beer is stark

No more anemic shades of pallid straw

This brew's complexion is as rich and dark

As polished wood, deep brown without a flaw

 

In Belgian beer the taste of yeast holds sway

And in pale ale the tang of hops is prized

In porter it's the malt that has its day

As sugar, when it's cooked, is caramelized

 

The roasting brings out tastes of tootsie rolls.

And toffee, even hints of licorice

The porter gained its name from the poor souls

Who drank it, lugging burdens for the rich

 

So hoist a pint of porter! In the end,

It is the working-person's truest friend

EPISODE 13: Sweet Wheat!

EPISODE 13

Sweet Wheat!

 

Hefeweizen

(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 2012)

 

Forget the sparkling clarity you see

In ordinary lager from a can

The hefeweizen is a mystery

Produced by adding wheat amidst the bran

 

A wheat beer is a funny sort of beast

One of the lightest, and yet so opaque

Because it's left unfiltered so the yeast

No hangs suspended, like a liquid cake

 

The simple wheaten flavor is a slate

Upon which one can paint tastes to amaze

Like apricot, or orange from a crate

Or blueberry (to make a purple haze)

 

From Germany up to the Northwest coast

This style excels when sweetness matters most

 

 

Backwoods Brewing "Blueberry Wheat"

 

I really did expect to see a purple hue

Instead it was an amber-yellow haze

But in the nose, the blueberries came through

The strong aroma put me in a daze

 

I took a taste, and let it soothe my throat

The blueberries still strongly in the mix

But calmed by maltiness and biscuit notes

So, all in all, the combination clicks

 

It's called the Goldilocks of fruity beer

Not bitter, not too sweet, but just fine

It hails from Carson, a town south of here,

Home to evergreens like spruce and pine

 

I'd like it any time, but I must say

It's well-nigh perfect for a summer day