Monday, June 29, 2015

EPISODE 17: Russian Imperial Stout

EPISODE 17
Russian Imperial Stout
(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 2012)
 
When Catherine the Great was on the throne
And Russia waxed in power like a storm
An ale to cure pneumonia was shown
That had a potency beyond the norm
 
The English brewers shipped it down the line:
As black as pitch, as thick as motor oil
With alcoholic strength to rival wine
A dark elixir fit for any royal
 
The tastes of chocolate and of coffee run
Throughout the palate (roasted malts, of course)
It satisfies all hungers (save for one:
There was that little thing about a horse)
 
So raise a glass to the Czarina's name
'Twas she who brought this style of stout its fame

Monday, June 22, 2015

EPISODE 16: The Dread

EPISODE 16
The Dread
 
The word "Elysian" summons imagery
Of blissful fields beneath a summer sun
This ebon ale dispels that reverie
For with one sip, the nightmare has begun
 
The roar of dark malt rises, and then fades
Don't be afraid, now take a deeper taste
You'll conjure images of ghastly shades
And shoggoths in the southern polar wastes
 
This stout, a grand example of the style,
Unaged would still be beer of great renown
But aged it is, upon an oaken spiral
With water flowing down, forever down
 
So when you find you're paralyzed with fear
Embrace it, with this eldritch, primal beer

Monday, June 15, 2015

EPISODE 15: Hilliard's Murdered-Out Stout

EPISODE 15
Hilliard's Murdered-Out Stout
 
This hot rod doesn't need a nitro kit
To go from zip to thirty IBUs
Its pint glass blacked-out by the tint of it
A vehicle to chase away the blues
 
The roasted malt, light-chocolaty and dry
Is balanced by some hoppy bitterness
With alcohol at five percent, you'll try
To drink it all day long, and be my guest!
 
This cast-iron entry in the dark-beer race
Is elegant in its simplicity
From rich, smooth mouthfeel to light tan head-lace
It's just the thing an Irish stout should be
 
If beer on tap is not your thing, well man
Just wait 'till Fall and get it in a can!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

EPISODE 14: Porter

EPISODE 14
Porter
(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly Issue 6, April/June 2012
 
The contrast with the other beer is stark
No more anemic shades of pallid straw
This brew's complexion is as rich and dark
As polished wood, deep brown without a flaw
 
In Belgian beer the taste of yeast holds sway
And in pale ale the tang of hops is prized
In porter it's the malt that has its day
As sugar, when it's cooked, is caramelized
 
The roasting brings out tastes of tootsie rolls.
And toffee, even hints of licorice
The porter gained its name from the poor souls
Who drank it, lugging burdens for the rich
 
So hoist a pint of porter! In the end,
It is the working-person's truest friend

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

EPISODE 13: Sweet Wheat!

EPISODE 13
Sweet Wheat!
 
Hefeweizen
(Originally published in Pin-Up Quarterly, Issue 6, April/June 2012)
 
Forget the sparkling clarity you see
In ordinary lager from a can
The hefeweizen is a mystery
Produced by adding wheat amidst the bran
 
A wheat beer is a funny sort of beast
One of the lightest, and yet so opaque
Because it's left unfiltered so the yeast
No hangs suspended, like a liquid cake
 
The simple wheaten flavor is a slate
Upon which one can paint tastes to amaze
Like apricot, or orange from a crate
Or blueberry (to make a purple haze)
 
From Germany up to the Northwest coast
This style excels when sweetness matters most
 
 
Backwoods Brewing "Blueberry Wheat"
 
I really did expect to see a purple hue
Instead it was an amber-yellow haze
But in the nose, the blueberries came through
The strong aroma put me in a daze
 
I took a taste, and let it soothe my throat
The blueberries still strongly in the mix
But calmed by maltiness and biscuit notes
So, all in all, the combination clicks
 
It's called the Goldilocks of fruity beer
Not bitter, not too sweet, but just fine
It hails from Carson, a town south of here,
Home to evergreens like spruce and pine
 
I'd like it any time, but I must say
It's well-nigh perfect for a summer day